Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 14: Episode 1
First Citiwide Change Bank I
Customer #1…..Jan Hooks
Paul McElroy…..Jim Downey
Customer #2…..Kevin Nealon
[ SUPER: “When you do only one thing, you do it better” ]
Customer #1: I needed to take the bus, but all I had was a five-dollar bill. I stopped by First Citiwide, and they were able to give me four singles and four quarters.[ SUPER: “At First Citiwide Change Bank, We just make change” ]
Paul McElroy: We will work with the customer to give that customer the change that he or she needs. If you come to us with a twenty-dollar bill, we can give you two tens, we can give you four fives – we can give you a ten and two fives. We will work with you.
Customer #2: I went to my First Citiwide branch to change a fifty. I guess I was in kind of a hurry, and I asked for a twenty, a ten, and two fives. Their computers picked up my mistake right away, and I got the correct change.
Paul McElroy: We have been in this business a long time. With our experience, we’re gonna have ideas for change combinations that probably haven’t occurred to you. If you have a fifty-dollar bill, we can give you fifty singles. [ SUPER: “We can give you fifty singles” ] We can give you forty-nine singles and ten dimes. We can give you twenty-five twos. Come talk to us. [ SUPER: “We can give you twenty-five twos” ] We are not going to give you change that you don’t want. If you come to us with a hundred-dollar bill, we’re not going to give you two-thousand nickels.. [ SUPER: “We’re not going to give you two thousand nickels” ] – unless that meets your particular change needs. We will give you.. the change.. equal to.. the amount of money.. that you want change for![ SUPER: “At First Citiwide Change Bank, Our business is making change” ]
Bank Representative: That’s what we do.