Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 4: Episode 1
Tom Snyder…..Dan Aykroyd
[ Music Open: “Miss You”, Rolling Stones ]
Tom Snyder: Good evening, everybody, welcome to the “Tomorrow” show. At the outset of the program tonight, I’d like to clear something up that ticked me off when I heard about it. There’s a, uh.. there’s a newsman who works at KNBC in Los Angeles – his name is Paul Moyer, he’s a local news anchorman. Today, somebody walked up to me and said, “Tom, you know that guy, Paul Moyer – gee, he looks and sounds a lot like you.” Well, this afternoon, somebody else comes up and says, “Tom, is it true Paul Moyer from Auburn News will be replacing you on the “Tomorrow” show?” Well, my gosh, Paul Moyer and I used to work together, and.. I watched the news the other night. This guy does sound and look a little bit like me, but as far as Tom Snyder being replaced on the “Tomorrow” show, well.. [ fuming ] ..that’s just a lot of bunk! There’s no way he’s gonna get Tom Snyder’s show! ‘Cause I know, if they ever threw me out of here, Bobby Brown – and the rest of the guys in the crew – would end up coming with me, we’d do it in my living room, and we’d put the damn thing in syndication! Well, that’s that!
Anyway.. my guest tonight is a man who’s familiar to anybody who owns a hi-fi set. He’s a member of a pop group – The Rolling Stones – and his name is Mr. Mick Jagger![ Mick Jagger enters set and sits ]
Tom Snyder: Now, sir.. sir, I guess my first question to you is, sir: Why “Mick Jagger”? Why the name Jagger, what does it mean?
Mick Jagger: Well, it’s my name.. uh.. it was my father’s name.. uh..
Tom Snyder: Alright. Fair enough, I’ll buy that. [ solemn for a second ] Get off my cloud!
Mick Jagger: [ confused ] Get off my cloud?
Tom Snyder: The.. the song! “Get Off My Cloud”. It was one of the best singles you guys ever did, and I’ll tell you why: I was working with in Westinghouse Industries back in the fifties – not in the coaster division, in the broadcasting division. And there was a unit manager, he used to get me so.. teed off! I used to feel like saying to him, “Get the heck off my cloud!” You ever feel like saying, “Heck! I’m Mick Jagger, I’ve got a few hit records, I can afford to take some time off and do whatever the heck I want!” you ever feel that way?
Mick Jagger: Yeah, uh.. I suppose I do. I mean, we did a tour that was really successful.. and I went crazy, I guess a little crazy afterward – I put a barbecue and a swimming pool in the back yard.
Tom Snyder: Well, Mick, I know exactly what you mean. You know, there’s nothing like a good old-fashioned barbecue. You start cooking up the steaks, the smell of a char-broiling attracts everybody the next day – I find myself feeding the whole neighborhood.
Mick Jagger: That’s the fun of a barbecue!
Tom Snyder: Ha ha ha! Well, yes, sir! I’ll buy that, sir!
Mick Jagger: Ever since we put the pool in the house, old friends that we haven’t seen for a little while, they just drop in more often. Rod and Babs do it.. Eric.. they love to come over and beat the heat.
Tom Snyder: Well, sir, it’s a hot life you lead. You know, speaking of heat, boy you’re quite the dancer. I saw your show in Tucson, and some of those moves, I wouldn’t think the human body would be capable of moving like that! They were terrific, Mick! Really!
Mick Jagger: Thank you. Which ones.. you know.. which particular ones did you care for?
Tom Snyder: Well, uh.. the little thing with your leg, you know? The little walk.. you know, the little things you do, all those little moves..
Mick Jagger: Well, you know, which one do you want to show me?
Tom Snyder: Show me? What do you mean?
Mick Jagger: Well, let’s get a little bit of room here.. [ stands up, moves coffee table aside ]
Tom Snyder: [ stands ] Alright, now let’s get a wide shot of this – I can boogie just like the next guy! I mean, the ltitle walk.. [demonstrates ] You know, the big thing with your leg.. [ demonstrates further ]
Mick Jagger: Mmm-hmm.. mmm-hmm.. yeah.. yeah.. yeah..
Tom Snyder: Those moves there. Ha ha ha ha!
Mick Jagger: You know, I think you clearly missed your calling in life.
Tom Snyder: What.. what do you mean? You think I should have been a dancer, or something?
Mick Jagger: Oh, not for a living.
Tom Snyder: Ha ha ha! Speaking of relaxation, Mick.. I just do it to fool around, you know? I like to dance. You know, I noticed on the covers of one of your singles, released in 1966, “Have You Seen Your Mother, Babies, Standing In The Shoadw” – could we see that. [ shows cover ] You guys seem to be guys that enojy dressing up as girls now and again!
Mick Jagger: Well, it’s not such a.. really.. big deal, you know.. dressing up as a woman. This was just.. more.. a theatrical device we used.
Tom Snyder: Ha! Well, all I know is, I’ve got a pink woman’s housecoat at home, and a pair of fuzzy pink slppers, and heck! I didn’t buy them because they’re ladies things – I bought them because, dammit, they’re comfortable! I don’t care if they are ladies garments!
Mick Jagger: I know you don’t, Tom – it doesn’t surpise me at all. In fact, I still have a little push-up bra, that we used on the cover. You can have it, if you want.
Tom Snyder: [ excited ] Really! I can have that!
Mick Jagger: Yeah. I don’t need it.. any more.
Tom Snyder: Well, alright, that would be great, Mick! I’ll take ypu up on that! Thank you so much for joining us! You know, I just want to say that, when they told me you were doing the show, I was, frankly, quite apprehensive. You know? I heard you were a little bit of a cut-up, a kind of a hellion – I don’t know what kind of hijinks to expect from guys like you. But, here you are, you’re a well-behaved youg man, and, frankly, sir, I am surprised!
Mick Jagger: Well, Tom, thank you.. that’s nice of you. You know, before I came here, I heard a few things about you.. and.. I heard you were slow, and a bit thick.. a kind of a dim bulb.. But, now that I’ve met you, you know, I know you can’t help it.
Tom Snyder: Well, thank you very much, sir! You’re welcomed back any time! We’ve been talk-
Mick Jagger: Excuse me, Tom. One thing, you know, before we finish up.
Tom Snyder: Yes. Anything at all, sir.
Mick Jagger: Throughout this entire interview, one thing that’s fascinated me..
Tom Snyder: Yes, sir?
Mick Jagger: ..is the extraordinary variety of colors in your hair. There must be at least twelve. I mean, there’s grey, and black, and blue, and green..
Tom Snyder: Green? Ha ha! I didn’t know about the spot of green there, Mick! Join us tomorrow on “Tomorrow”, when we’ll be talking with a group of bee farmers who claim that Elvis Presley’s ghost is responsible for a mysterious series of area cattle mutilations in the Midwest. Good night, everybody![ pull out for audience wide shot, with SUPER: “coming up next… Disco Dentistry” ] [ fade ]