SNL Transcripts: Ruth Gordon: 01/22/77: Crazy Frank


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 2: Episode 12

76l: Ruth Gordon / Chuck Berry

Crazy Frank

Crazy Frank…..Dan Aykroyd

[ open on Crazy Frank standing behind an appliance counter with a TV and turntable on it ]

Crazy Frank: [ waving his a hands frantically into the camera ] CRAZY ERNIE!! Boy, is Ernie crazy!! He’s been at it again, folks, slashing prices so low you won’t believe it!! Shop around, then come see for yourself!! Crazy Ernie will NOT be undersold!! For the BEST bargains in stereos, color TVs, radios — Crazy Ernie is your man!! He’s got it ALL!! [??] hi-fi components, coaxial [??] with custom headphones — cassette decks — [??]and LOTS, LOTS MORE!!! CRAZY ERNIE!! His prices are IN-SANE!!

[ SUPER: “Amplifiers: $534.98 (scratched out) NOW: $49.95” ] [ SUPER: “Tapedecks: $349.98 (scratched out) NOW: $19.95” ] [ SUPER: “Stereo Speakers: $266.98 (scratched out) NOW: $4.00” ]

I mean it — his prices are IN-SANE!!! Because Crazy Ernie is really CRAZY!! And I don’t mean “crazy prices” crazy — I’m talking crazy “not playing with a full deck” crazy!! I mean, REALLY CRAZY!! Look at this: [ touches the turntable ] This [??] with face-lock circuitry and direct-motor drive: $900!! Marked down to $12!!

[ SUPER: “Turntables: $900.00 (scratched out) NOW: $12.00” ]

And this brand new ? now yours for fifty-two cents!!

[ SUPER: “Color TV’s: $699.00 (scratched out) NOW: 52¢” ]

WHY is Crazy Ernie slashing prices SO LOW??!! Because it’s NOT Crazy Ernie’s store!! [ checks over his shoulder ] In fact… [ whispers ] He’s not even Crazy Ernie — he’s Crazy Frank, Crazy Ernie’s cousin. You see, last Tuesday, the real Crazy Ernie — whose store this really is — ran off to the Bahamas with Crazy Frank’s girl. To tell you the truth, I DON’T LIKE BEING LEFT ALONE WITH HIM!! You know, if I had a shovel or something to stun him with, you know

YOU’D be crazy not to tkae advantage of these bargains!! Cash in on this!! Crazy Frank wants to unload all this stuff by next Tuesday, when the REAL Crazy Ernie gets back from the Bahamas!! Crazy Frank!! His prices are IN-SA-A-A-A-ANE!!!

[ surrounding SUPER: “Crazy Frank” ] [ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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