Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 1: Episode 7
Written by: Tom Schiller
Announcer: Now, another edition of “Samurai Hotel”.[ open on Samurai placing hotel visitors’ mail in various room slots, grunting as he pushes each piece in ] [ Traveler enters ]
Traveler: Excuse me? Excuse me. I’d like a room for the night, please? [ Samurai grunts ] Actually, I’ll probably be staying through to Tuesday. [ Samurai withdraws sword, accidentally knicking his shoulder ] Do you have a king-size bed? One with a king-size bed. [ Samurai extends sword ] I guess, uh.. perhaps, get a room with, uh.. You know what I’d like? A room overlooking the park. Are the rates high for that? [ Samurai yells, motions sword ] Do you have room service? [ Samurai grunts ] Room service. [ Samurai extends sword ] Uh.. what’s your check-out time? [ Samurai makes series of motions with sword across the front desk, as Traveler fills out the log ] Could you get a bellboy to get my bags, please? Carry my bags up?[ Bellboy approaches front desk, as he and Samurai yell at one another ]
Traveler: Fellas? Which one of you is gonna carry my bags upstairs?
Samurai: Your momma-san!
Bellboy: [ angry ] My Momma-san?!! [ raises sword and slices front desk in half ]
Samurai: [ in the only English he’ll ever speak ] Well, I can dig where you’re comin’ from.. I’ll take these bags up to the room.. [ picks up Traveler’s bags and carries them upstairs ] [ fade to black ]