SNL Transcripts: Jaime Pressley: 10/07/06: Cider Chat


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 32: Episode 2

06b: Jaime Pressley / Corinne Bailey Rae

Cider Chat

Neighbor #1…..Jaime Pressley
Neighbor #2…..Kristin Wiig

[ open on exterior, suburban front porch, night ] [ truck forward to two women neighbors sitting on wicker furniture while sipping cider ]

Neighbor #2: Oh. It’s such a beautiful night tonight.

Neighbor #1: Mmm. I love Fall, a nice cup of hot cider, and a good friend.

Neighbor #2: I can’t wait to get a pumpkin!

[ they sip their cider ]

Neighbor #1: Mmm. You know, I ran into Sally today.

Neighbor #2: Really?

Neighbor #1: She’s put on a ton of weight.

Neighbor #2: Oh, that’s too bad. That’s too bad.

Neighbor #1: I just hope she’s all right.

[ they sip their cider ]

Neighbor #2: Mmm! Cider is so good!

Neighbor #1: I used a cinnamon stick as a stirrer.

Neighbor #2: Oh.

[ they sip their cider ]

Neighbor #2: Mmm. Oh – well, I ran into Herb today.

Neighbor #1: Oh, really?

Neighbor #2: Yes. He said he was sober, but he didn’t smell like it.

Neighbor #1: You know, I saw him peeing on his front lawn. He was so drunk he threw up all over his own ding-dong.

Neighbor #2: [ smiles ] Oh, that’s Herb for you!

[ they sip their cider ]

Neighbor #1: Oh, I love the smell of Fall.

Neighbor #2: I kind of like the smell of my own farts.

[ they sip their cider ]

Neighbor #1: Oh! I know what I wanted to tell you! Janice found a bloody sweater in her husband’s trunk.

Neighbor #2: Again?

Neighbor #1: I guess our husbands aren’t so bad!

[ they laugh at the joke ]

Neighbor #1: I cut myself on purpose this morning.

[ they sip their cider ]

Neighbor #2: Mmm! I forgot about cider!

Neighbor #1: Me, too!

[ they smile, then sip more cider ]

Neighbor #2: I’m thinking about having a party for all the dogs in the neighborhood.

Neighbor #1: I had a dream where I was a feather with an alligator mouth.

Neighbor #2: My real name is Ronald.

Neighbor #1: I peed in the cider.

[ truck back, fade ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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