SNL Transcripts: Halle Berry: 10/18/03


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 29: Episode 3

This free script provided by]]>

Air Date:


Musical Guest:

Special Guests:

October 18th, 2003

Halle Berry

Britney Spears

Zachary Woodlee

George Wendt
Kobe BryantSummary: Kobe Bryant (Finesse Mitchell) and his wife Vanessa (Maya Rudolph) argue with one another before his rape trial.



Halle Berry’s MonologueSummary: Lorne Michaels wants to see Halle Berry and Britney Spears kiss.

Bio: Named for Halle’s Department Store in her Cleveland, Ohio hometown, Halle Berry (1966-) became the first African-American woman to win an Academy Award in 2002, for “Monster’s Ball.”


GaystrogenSummary: The pill that prevents middle-aged homosexuals from losing their gay sex drive.


The Don Zimmer Sports SpectacularSummary: Don Zimmer (Horatio Sanz) is repeatedly slammed to the ground by his guests.

Recurring Characters: Bob Costas, Pete Rose.


Donatella VersaceSummary: Donatella Versace (Maya Rudolph) throws her annual Halloween party.

Note: Model played by Zachary Woodlee.

Recurring Characters: Donatella Versace, Elton John.

Tel-e-LinkSummary: Happy phone-line customers tout their good service using technobabble.

Quick OnesSummary: The pills office workers use to simulate the sexual experience.


Sushi BarSummary: Starkisha (Finesse Mitchell) celebrates her birthday at a sushi bar with friends.

Recurring Characters: Starkisha, Appreciante.

The Sunday National EnquirerSummary: Provides special edition fake news stories to brighten your weekend.

Britney Spears performs “Me Against The Music”Also Appeared: 99s, 01l.

Weekend Update with Jimmy Fallon & Tina FeySummary: Indian comic Billy Smith (Fred Armisen) tells less-than-stellar jokes. Superfan Bob Swerski (George Wendt) offers a sports commentary with his moron nephew (Horatio Sanz).

Recurring Characters: Billy Smith, Bob Swerski.


The Best of KlymaxxSummary: Klymaxx’s greatest spoken-over performances.

Tom BrokawSummary: Tom Brokaw (Chris Parnell) is persuaded to record an answering machine message for his make-up girl (Halle Berry).

Recurring Characters: Tom Brokaw.

Britney Spears performs “Everytime”

Ashford & Simpson FanSummary: A woman’s (Halle Berry) day turns brighter when she meets Ashford (Kenan Thompson) & Simpson (Maya Rudolph).

SpeedreaderSummary: A speedreader (Will Forte) quickly hits on a woman (Halle Berry) at a bar.



SNL Transcripts

How useful was this post?

Click on a star to rate it!

Average rating 0 / 5. Vote count: 0

No votes so far! Be the first to rate this post.

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

Notify of
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments